"Smile! It keeps your brain from falling out when you're frustrated!" - Clinton Anderson (Downunder Horsemanship)

"They say boys never grow up, their toys just get bigger. I say I never grew up, my 'My Little Ponies' just got bigger!" - Me

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Roller Coaster Ride

Where are the brakes?  I want off this ride!  That's how I feel anyway.  The last two weeks have been......crazy to say the least.

I'm still heartbroken over losing Wayne.  But I know it was the right thing to do.  He seemed to be doing so well after getting his feet trimmed and seeing the vet.  On his feet most of the time and content, and seemed to be getting more and more comfortable each day.  But then all of a sudden his bad knee just decided to give out on him.  Apparently it couldn't handle the extra weight it had been carrying because of the bowed tendons on his other leg.  One day his bad knee looked fine, the next it was bowed out to the side really bad, and he was obviously very uncomfortable and laying down again, so I knew it was time.  He was trying hard to be brave, and seemed fine when there were things going on to keep his mind busy.  But when the barn got quiet and it was just me and him, it was obvious he was uncomfortable and his eyes just lost their sparkle.

It's so hard to say goodbye, but I wasn't going to make him suffer either, and that knee would only get worse.  So it was the right thing to do.  I spent that morning with him, just fussing over him, taking him out to graze and roll, put my girls in the outdoor arena so they were out there with him, Wayne always hated to be alone, and did whatever Wayne wanted to do, anything to keep his mind off his pain and keep him happy till the vet arrived.  And considering that he went down so peacefully and so gracefully (the vet said she has never put a horse down that went so peacefully), that tells me he was ready to let go, and I was able to stay with him, holding his head until he was gone.

I miss him terribly.  And have cried a lot of tears, and will probably shed a lot more.  Tearing up again as I type.  The barn seems so strange without him.  Too quiet without Wayne talking his little head off to everyone passing by, singing a little song for the mares. No greeting when I jump out of my truck or walk into the barn, no trumpeting gallop to the gate to see me, no banging on his gate to make sure I didn't forget to feed him. I guess I didn't realize how used to hearing him I was. I miss his little song and dance.  It's hard, but slowly time will heal the heart. 

Unfortunately I wasn't able to bury him at the barn where I board, but I was able to have him cremated, and got his ashes back today.  At least this way he will always be with us, once my husband and I get a place of our own, Wayne can buried at home with us.  But for now I need to look for something nice to keep them in, along with the braids that I kept from his mane.  I also want to look into having a horse hair bracelet made with hair from his mane braided in with hair from Lady and Cody.  Studly-Do-Right loved his girls.

Thank you, everyone, for all the thoughts and prayers and support.  He was a pretty special little guy, and greatly missed.  In time, when I'm not breaking down in tears so easily, I look forward to blogging some of our adventures together.  Oh the crazy things he did and the fun we had together.

Things this week have just been crazy.  My husband ended up in the hospital yesterday, and had some emergency surgery.  Thankfully it turned out to be something minor, and he's home now, and feeling 100% better.

Today we took Cody in to MSU for her knee surgery.  She'll stay overnight tonight and have surgery tomorrow morning.  Dr. Caron seems pretty confident that she'll be rideable again after the 3 months healing time.  It should relieve 90 to 100% of the pain in that joint.  They x-rayed her knee again, and very little has changed since June in that lower joint, so that is good.  There is a tad bit of arthritis in the top joint of the knee that might be an issue, but there's no way to know for sure if that top joint will be any kind of a problem until she's healed up from surgery to fuse the bottom joint.  But the arthritis in the top joint is very minor, so if it does cause her any kind of a problem, it should be able to be managed pretty easily with joint supplements and/or a yearly joint injection.  But there's a good chance it may be no problem at all.  They also x-rayed her other knee to see if we had any issues going on over there, since she is 16 years old and this is a lot of money to drop on surgery, and thankfully that other knee is perfectly clean!  No arthritis anywhere!  So he's pretty sure I'll be riding her again come spring!  I sure hope so!!!  I haven't been on her since January and really miss riding her!

So she's tucked away in her stall at the clinic for the night.  Dr. Caron will give me a call tomorrow when she's up and on her feet again and let me know how things went.  I'll be on pins and needles till I get that call and know she's up on her feet and ok, especially with having just lost Wayne.  Hopefully all goes well.  She's been a great sport about it all so far.  She was a little bug eyed and looking wildly around when we first walked into the clinic, but can you blame her?  All the footing is green and soft, it smells like disinfectant, lots of people and other horses coming and going or standing around in stalls. 

But a few hesitant steps and wild looks around, and I think she realized she'd been there before, and walked calmly down to the holding stall to wait.  The other horses there were pacing and/or carrying on, and Cody just looked around for a bit, and soon was standing there with one back leg cocked, head down, eyes half shut.  Good girl.  She didn't even do her little holding her front foot up anxiety thing.  That's impressive!  Good girl Cody!

They came to get her for x-rays, and I had to chuckle.  The other horses they were taking back for x-rays were nervous, in a bit of a hurry, and a little spooky.  I handed Cody off to the tech and with a big sigh she followed along, as if to say, "ok, sure, where we going."  When they came back, Cody was just moseying along about as slow as she could go and the tech saying "she's definitely not in a hurry to get anywhere fast."  And it was back to sleep mode once she was back in her stall.  Cody, I think you are finally growing up!  Even when we took her back to her stall in the hospital ward, she mosied along without a care in the world, and dove into the hay in the hay rack as soon as she was in her stall.  She was more concerned with eating than this strange new stall and all the new things around her.  What a good girl, hopefully she stays that way for the entire stay!  I can't wait to stop and see her after work tomorrow!


  1. Good luck with Cody's surgery!

    It's OK to feel sad about Wayne - even though you did everything you could for him, and took care of him at the end, that doesn't mean it isn't sad - losing a good horse in that way is always sad. Just hold tight to the good memories, and know that you did what he needed you to do.

  2. I really hope Cody's surgery goes well! I'll be checking Blogger constantly until I see the update!

    Really, I am sorry about Wayne. He seemed like such a nice little guy, so sweet yet full of personality. It's hard to lose them, but we realize that it's things like that that make us stronger. Hang in there, and remember - we're here for you.

  3. What a good girl she is:)

    It sounds like you got great news from the vet as far as her future soundness...that's so awesome!! Can't wait to see you back in the saddle this spring:)

    And yes, the barn is waaay to quiet without Mr. Wayne. I miss his lil' trumpet. I know it's still hard, but you're doing great. I'm so glad Doug is feeling better. ((hugs))

  4. I really enjoyed reading your stories about Wayne in the past. He was an amazing horse. I'm sorry you lost him. You did the right thing for him.

  5. I'm sure you miss Wayne...he was too adorable in pictures, I can't imagine how great he was in person. I'm sorry...I hope your Cody girl heals well.